Here and Now
by thenidefyyou
Summary: When Glenn and Michonne are presumed dead, Rick can't accept it as truth. Based on speculation for season 6.


**Hey, all! I wrote this story based on speculation as to storylines from season 6. Possible spoilers ahead, though if I'm right on all this I'm never going to stop gloating. This also marks my first attempt at a semblance of smut, so constructive criticism welcome!**

* * *

His lungs ached, his legs burned, his feet cried out for a break, but his heart would not let him stop.

He refused to believe they were dead. They were two of the most competent people in this world.

Rick had spent a good portion of the morning staring at Glenn and Michonne's names on the memorial wall, lingering on Michonne's in particular. Now that she was gone, he realized how much he had taken her presence for granted. He missed her smile, her counsel, her understanding and willingness to accept his actions. He missed her. He needed her.

Most of all, he loved her.

He had not fully accepted his feelings until speaking with Jessie the night before. He had been venting to the widow about Glenn and Michonne, the words tumbling directly from his heart to his mouth. Glenn was to be a father soon, they could not lose him. And he was the person who saved Rick all the way at the beginning, back in Atlanta. He owned a lot to him. And Michonne, she...she meant more to him than she would ever know. He did not know how he could get by without her. And his kids needed her. Judith was repeatedly crying out for "Mish," unable to understand Michonne's absence. Carl...Carl was inconsolable. Nothing could cheer him up, it seemed.

Jessie had listened quietly to his rambling. But she surprised him when he found himself unable to speak any further. "You love her," she had told him. "You have for a while."

Rick had blinked at her, letting her words spin around in his mind. "You love her." He knew it was true but he had always pushed it underneath the current, afraid of what moving forward would do to their bond. Hearing it out in the context of the current situation, he realized he should not push it away anymore. That he _could not_ push it away.

"I get it," Jessie went on, reaching out and giving his hand a brief squeeze before letting go again. "What you feel for her...you can't fight that. And if you don't believe she's dead, I believe you. And I'll be here for you as your friend."

He was surprised that she was so accepting of this, even after...whatever they had between them. And he had indeed wondered why she had been a bit more distant recently. She recognized what he had not yet fully recognized himself - that he was chasing a mirage instead of reality.

"Go find them. Both of them," Jessie told him with a small smile. "You'll bring them back. I know you will."

Rick took her words to heart. He could not keep lying to himself or anyone else anymore. Rick went home and retired to bed, but sleep eluded him. He found himself tossing and turning, trembling with anxiety as thoughts of life without either Glenn or Michonne drifted through his mind. It was not a reality he wanted to entertain. He refused to.

At sunrise, Rick packed a small backpack of food, water, ammo, and basic medical and survival supplies. He strapped his machete to his waist and placed his gun in its holster on his belt. He sat in the kitchen with a meager breakfast, watching the sun climb in the sky and thinking about his plan. He knew the general area of where they were supposed to have been, but it would still be quite difficult to find them. He had to at least try.

When Daryl and Carol came down for breakfast, he explained his plan to them. Daryl was quick to offer his help, almost instantly turning to head back for his crossbow and whatever else he would need.

"I need you both here to take care of things," Rick had told them, holding up his hand and stopping Daryl in his tracks. "I need you here in case I don't make it back, either."

Carol took a deep breath, nodding slowly. "We'll look after Carl and Judith 'til you get back," she told him, giving him an assuring smile although her voice trembled.

Daryl was much more reluctant to let him go. With some difficulty, he finally gave in. "You come back," he said gruffly, echoing what Rick had told Michonne two weeks ago. "Don't you _dare_ not come back."

Carl took it well when Rick went up to tell him. He was brooding in his room, surrounded by comic books as he had been for the past week or so. "I just want her back," Carl said, his voice wavering. "Do whatever you have to do. Just find her and Glenn." He gave his father a long, tight hug before they parted ways.

Rick stopped by Glenn and Maggie's house to speak to Maggie. She too wanted to join him, but with some help from Tara, they convinced her to stay within the safe zone. This mission was far too dangerous for an expectant mother. Rick assured her he would bring Glenn home no matter what.

After stopping by the memorial wall, he went outside the gates and fired up one of the RVs that was currently being used to provide a buffer for the wall. A few people had run after him, shouting about how he had ruined their barrier. It had taken them weeks to find that RV and blah blah blah. Frankly, Rick did not care. Not now. They could figure out a fix. He had to find his people. He drove off without a look back, consulting the map he had propped upon the dashboard. He made his way west away from Alexandria.

Unfortunately, he had not taken into account what a massive gas guzzler the RV was. It sputtered to a stop three quarters of the way to Fair Lakes, where the supply runners were supposed to have been. He let out a roar of frustration and kicked the dashboard of the vehicle before dropping his head to rest on the steering wheel. No. No, no, no.

He had to keep going, vehicle or not.

Rick picked up his backpack and the map and left the RV behind. He began walking along the Fairfax County Parkway, thankful the walkers were few and far between at the moment. He still did not feel safe enough to attempt hotwiring a car alone and in the open, so he continued on foot. He made a point to search in between each of the cars and along the tree lines, looking for any sign of his missing companions. He had no idea if they had gone this route or not. But he had to look. He had to start somewhere.

Rick panted as he reaches an intersection, more from anxiety than from exertion. He slowed down to a stop, looking at the endless road before him. Hopelessness washed over him. It began to dawn on him how futile such a search was for one person to take on alone. Now that he was out here, however, there was nothing to do but to keep going. He could not go back now.

He reached into his backpack and pulled out a bottle of water, taking a sip from it before beginning to walk again. Once he got to Fair Lakes he could take a break. Not now.

He alternated between walking and jogging, using his machete to take out any walkers in his path. Luckily, they were so spaced out he could usually dodge and avoid them if he needed to. The sun was beginning to set by the time he reached the area he was looking for. If he could not find them before it grew dark he would need to find some sort of shelter. However, the closer he got to his destination, the more walkers there were. He was not making as much progress as he had to keep stopping to fight them off, or detour around a group of them.

Rick slowed down again, making his way up a hill into a residential area and taking a few more sips from his water bottle. He was so close. Just a little bit further.

"Rick?"

He spun around quickly, machete readied simply from reflex. Glenn in front of a nearby townhouse, looking at him with as much surprise as Rick felt. Rick stared at him like he saw a ghost. He sprinted toward Glenn with a sudden burst of energy, elated to see him alive. He pulled his friend into a hug before he could stop himself.

"Sorry we're late," Glenn told him, stepping back. "Ran into some trouble."

"What happened?" Rick asked.

"Ran into a huge cluster of 'em," Glenn answered. "Got locked down in a shoe store for a while. We just made it out a few days ago."

In a yard nearby Rick saw the other supply runners. Heath and Nicholas seemed to be tending to Scott, who had his leg wrapped up...but Michonne was nowhere in sight. Rick took another step back from Glenn, looking at him questioningly. Glenn must have known what was going through his mind and dropped his gaze.

"We've been trying to find her," he explained. "We got separated in the herd. We've been looking for her since we got out. Scott got hurt yesterday when we were searching. But we dunno where..."

Rick felt his body go numb. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and closed his eyes, pushing thoughts of the worst out of his mind. Not Michonne. It couldn't be...He took a moment to pull himself back together and looked at Glenn.

"I have to find Michonne."

Glenn looked back at him sadly. "We haven't seen her in a couple of days, Rick. We don't even know where to start looking."

"I. Don't. Care," Rick snapped. "I need to find her. I can't give up on her."

Glenn slowly nodded, resigning to the fact that Rick was unshakeable. "I'll go with you," he said softly.

"No," Rick said quickly. He glanced up at the sky, noticing it was getting darker and darker by the minute. "Get home to Maggie. Bring Scott back so Denise can patch him up. I've got this. Where did you last see her?"

"Rick, this is a suicide mission if you go-"

"Glenn…" Rick told him sternly.

Glenn looked back at the other three runners, who were watching the scene unfold quietly. He slumped his shoulders forward, visibly giving in. "Last saw her outside the Target, about a half mile that way," he answered, pointing to the direction of the store.

Rick nodded. "Take care," he told Glenn.

"You too," Glenn said. "If you're not back in three days, we're all coming back for you."

"Okay." Rick began backing away, waving at all of them before turning and jogging away. He hated the idea that Michonne was alone out here. He glanced back and saw Glenn and Heath working on hotwiring a nearby car while Nicholas helped Scott to his feet. They would be okay. They would make it back to Alexandria soon. And now he could focus on finding Michonne.

Rick headed out of the neighborhood and back onto the major roadway, running with renewed vigor. The fact that Glenn and the others had survived gave him hope that she had as well. Once he saw the sign for the shopping center he crossed the road, keeping an eye on possible buildings he could make camp in. He did not have much time before the sun completely set. He took a flashlight from his pack to aid him in the fading light, seeing the Target in the distance. Rick climbed up a steep incline behind a restaurant but promptly stopped once he reached the top.

There was a swarm of walkers in the shopping center parking lot, far too many for him to take on alone. There had to have been hundreds. If Michonne was in that area, he could not get to her right now. Rick put his head in his hands, taking a step back away from the scene.

"FUCK!"

Enraged, he took out his frustrations on four nearby walkers. As the last one fell to the ground with a sickening thump, he reckoned getting to higher ground was the only way to figure out his next move. From there, he could maybe figure out a way around the herd. Maybe he would see some sign of Michonne. He looked around. Another set of townhomes down the street provided the highest vantage point. They were not as tall as he would've liked, but they would work. At least for now.

It was nearly pitch black by the time he reached the row of homes. He pulled a bobby pin from his pocket and picked the lock. He went inside and closed the door as quietly as he could before turning and looking around. He held his breath, listening for any sounds of walkers within the home. Not hearing anything suspicious, he cautiously moved forward and searched every corner to ensure his safety. It was clear. He hastily pushed a nearby bookcase in front of the door. Without wasting any more time he climbed up to the third level of the home and set himself up in a bedroom that overlooked the shopping center.

Rick took a moment to pause, gazing down at his stained hands and shirt. He tried to imagine what Michonne would have done after being separated from the others. Would she have ducked back into the store? Fought her way out? Gotten injured?

Turned?

...No.

Angry at himself for even entertaining the thought, Rick wiped his face on his sleeve and pulled a chair in front of the window. There was no giving up. He owed it to her. He knew she would not give up easily had their roles been reversed.

He must have sat there for hours, staring at the same group of walkers ambling aimlessly up and down the street. He fought off the drowsiness that tried to overcome him, instead letting his mind wander to thoughts of Michonne as it had so frequently over the couple of weeks. He remembered their usual morning talks in the kitchen, and how cheery and flirty she had been recently. He could still see her eyes gazing at him over the edge of her coffee cup, bright and wide with playfulness. He could remember how much he laughed with her, and how natural it felt. Thinking back on it now, he could only wonder if his attraction was not as one sided as he believed it to be. The thought of losing her now when they had finally started opening up to each other, not about survival but just about life and trivial things, was unbearable.

A glint caught his eye and brought him back to the present. Rick froze, staring into the darkness so hard his eyes began to water. He knew it could just be a zipper or something metal on a walker, but he had not seen anything else reflect the moonlight quite like that all night.

There it was again. Near the shopping center, close to the hill he had been standing on earlier.

Something told him he had to check it out. Rick scrambled to retrieve his pack and hurried down the steps. He pushed the bookcase away from the door and went outside. He was only a few steps out into the yard before he saw that glint again, closer. He quickened his pace, dodging a walker in the process.

As he drew nearer, he saw three figures. Two looked...wrong. Disfigured. The one in the middle was not moving like a walker and didn't seem to be mutilated like the others. He stopped as the trio kept moving slowly down the sidewalk, seemingly unaware of his presence.

"Michonne?" he called, risking drawing the attention of the dead. He had to try.

The figure in the middle halted and turned toward him. For a moment, there was no response. For that moment he worried that he had just made a mistake.

"Rick?"

He holstered his machete in one swift movement and immediately rushed forward, feeling like his heart would explode from relief. Michonne met him halfway, dragging her companions behind her, crying with relief and joy. Rick was so happy to see her, alive and well, that he barely took note of the two walkers that she had disfigured to keep them from harming her. They were her camouflage. He pulled her close to him, his eyes brimming with tears. She hugged him back briefly, pulling away just to gaze at his face for a few seconds.

"We...where've you been?" he asked her.

Michonne glanced around. "Let's get somewhere safe. I'll tell you about it." She paused, looking at him sadly. "I lost Glenn and the others."

"I found 'em earlier. They're safe. Should be back at Alexandria by now." Rick nodded and took her hand. "C'mon. Found a townhouse we can bunk in 'til morning." He took a moment to look at her two walkers. They both had bulging duffel bags strapped to them. Not only was she using them as camouflage, but as pack mules as well. "Sure they'll keep the others away?"

"Only reason I'm still here," she muttered with a small smile.

He squeezed her hand and nodded. "This way."

They made their way back to the townhouse in silence as not to attract the attention from any more walkers. The herd seemed to have been spreading out from the parking lot, making it much more dangerous for them to be out here. Too dangerous to try to find a car, hotwire it, fuel it up, and drive back to Alexandria with just the two of them. Rick remained on high alert, not completely trusting the docile walkers keep them safe.

But they made it. He helped her unstrap the duffel bags from the walkers and tossed them inside the house. Michonne found the door to the garage and led the two walkers inside. "We'll need them to get out of here," she explained to Rick over her shoulder.

He only nodded in response, watching her out of the corner of his eye as he moved the bookcase back behind the door. She seemed so at ease, so blase about the fact that she had been missing for two weeks. In contrast, he had been riddled with anxiety and grief over the notion of her being gone forever. Michonne did not seem to notice his gaze, shutting the door to the garage and going over to the duffel bags near the front door.

"Got swarmed as we were tryin' to make our way from Target to another store," she said suddenly, sitting on the floor. "I got grabbed on the leg and lost my balance. By the time I got back up, I couldn't see where the others had gone." Michonne dug around in one of the bags before pulling out a can of ravioli. She tossed it to Rick. "I tried lookin' for 'em but there were too many walkers. Had to run into a drugstore about a block away and barricade myself in just to save myself."

Rick walked over and sat down on the couch, putting the can down on the floor beside him. He was not interested in food.

"For a while I just...panicked, I guess. You could say I broke down. Once I pulled myself together I tried to fight my way out a couple of times but there were too many. I think around the third day in I just started to give up. Wondered if anyone would come lookin' for me or if I would just be assumed dead. I hung 'round the store, felt sorry for myself. The walkers could sense I was in there and they just kept pushing to get in. I finally got myself together and started rounding up some supplies. It took a few tries but I managed to pull those two walkers in and use 'em to get out."

"Why didn't you come home?" He knew the answer, but he needed to hear it from her lips.

"You and Deanna told us to keep each other safe. I've been tryin' to find the others for the last couple of days," Michonne told him sternly, shooting him a look. "I couldn't just leave, especially not with Maggie back home. I couldn't do that to her. I didn't want to go home without 'em, and have to explain to their loved ones that I'm clumsy and-"

"What about _your_ loved ones?" Rick interrupted her.

Michonne clamped her mouth shut and dropped her gaze.

Rick rubbed his hand down his face and walked over to where she sat on the floor, kneeling down beside her. "Michonne, you're not that stranger at the fence anymore. You have people who care for you, a family. Do you know just how…" He trailed off, trying to read her in the pale light.

She looked back at him, her eyes wide, but did not speak.

He continued. "We thought all of you were dead. We've been grieving. Carl barely leaves his room anymore. I've been unable to sleep, think, barely eat...anything. I've been a mess. I felt lost without you, Michonne. I wanted you home more than anything." Rick softened as he looked at her misty eyes, then reached out and pulled her into his arms. She relaxed against him, sighing softly. "I'm just glad you're safe."

"You were that scared of losing me?" she murmured against his shoulder.

"Absolutely." He pulled back, confused. "After everything we've been through, after everything you've done for me, how I not be?"

She smiled at him, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. He gave her a small smile back, unsure if he should go any further. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he had already thrown a lot at her. Rick waited for a while to see if she would respond, but when she remained silent, he decided to back off. He could tell when she needed to be with her own thoughts. He slowly pulled himself to his feet and walked over to check the doors and windows once more. He glanced back at Michonne, who was as he had left her, watching him pensively.

"You should get some rest," Rick stated, running a hand through his hair as he made his way back from checking the windows in the kitchen. "I'll take first watch up on the third floor."

Michonne took a deep breath. "Okay," she said so softly he barely heard her. She dug into the duffel bag and retrieved a pack of chips and a bottle of water before standing and slinging her katana over her shoulder. "Wake me in a few hours, okay?"

"Yeah." Rick watched her over his shoulder as she walked by. She gave him a small smile as she passed, which he returned. As she disappeared up the steps he retrieved his water bottle from his bag and finished it off. He still could not believe he had managed to find his people, especially when everyone else seemed so skeptical regarding his chances. He would do anything to make sure he did not lose them again.

He collected his things, putting the can she had handed him back into the duffle bag and getting a pack of chips instead. With his backpack in hand he took another look around and headed up the stairs after her. He paused on the second floor landing, listening to her bustle around in one of the bedrooms. They would talk more in the morning, he reckoned.

Rick went back to the room he had been in before, easing himself back into the chair as he felt physical exhaustion finally catching up with him. He gazed out of the window without really seeing anything. There were only a few walkers nearby and a gentle breeze in the air. He thought back to Alexandria, wondering what was happening at home. Glenn and Maggie would have had a lovely reunion. Rick hoped Carl and Judith were okay. He hoped that seeing Glenn would lift Carl's spirits. He could not wait to see his son's smile when he returned with Michonne.

A soft knock behind him startled him out of his thoughts. He spun around. Michonne. She leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Hey," he said simply, turning his body so he was sitting sideways on the chair.

"Hey," she returned quietly.

Her demeanor was not what he was accustomed to and he was not quite sure what to think. Standing in the doorway, she looked...vulnerable. Almost scared. "Can't sleep?" he asked her.

She shrugged. "Somethin' like that. Can I come in?"

"Of course." Rick watched her make her way over and sit down at the foot of the bed just a couple of feet away from him. "What's wrong?" he asked her once she settled down.

"I was just thinkin' 'bout what you said downstairs," she began. "How scared you were. I've just never heard you speak like that...about anyone."

Rick averted his eyes, rubbing his beard with one hand. He knew she would probably pick up on it, but he had not counted on her bringing it up, especially not tonight. He chose to remain silent at least for now. He wanted to know what she had to say. He looked back up at her, waiting for her to continue.

Michonne took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Rick, what are you actually tryin' to tell me?" she demanded.

He blinked a few times, fidgeting in his chair uncomfortably. He was bad about being open about his emotions, and usually managed to fuck it up when he did. Having to admit his deep yet strong attraction to her, to her face even, made him more nervous than any number of walkers. Rick stared into her dark eyes. But she wanted to know. And he figured why not here? Why not now? What was he so afraid of anymore?

"I love you, Michonne."

She visibly relaxed at his words, her shimmering eyes searching his face as though making sure he was being honest. He stared back at her, much more confident now that he had gotten those words off his chest. A smile slowly spread across her lips and he let out a breath he was not aware he was even holding.

"I wasn't expecting somethin' that strong," she chuckled nervously.

Rick smiled hesitantly. He still could not quite tell what she was feeling. "What did you expect?"

"Somethin' a lot more...platonic, I guess," she replied. Michonne looked at him for a beat. "The truth is...I love you, too."

He quite honestly had not expected that, either. "Wha-really?" he stammered.

Michonne chuckled and nodded. "Since you were with Jessie I just-"

"That's over."

"What?"

"She knows I love you. She ended it."

Michonne looked shocked. "Oh," she said simply.

"Yeah." Rick studied her calmly, feeling some semblance of happiness for the first time in a while. Getting confirmation that what he felt was mutual changed everything. He stood up, holding out his hand to her. She took it and slowly stood up as well, looking at him with a hint of question. "Stay with me tonight," he said quietly.

She gave him a playful smile, using her free hand to cup his cheek. "Just for tonight?"

Rick chuckled, looking at her through half lidded eyes. Being this close to her made him feel intoxicated. He swallowed hard, his gaze lingering on her full lips. "Just for forever," he replied so smoothly he surprised himself.

Michonne giggled. "Well then…" She gently pulled his face to hers and pressed her lips against his.

He gasped against her mouth, his heart pounding in his chest. He had thought about kissing her for quite some time, but this exceeded his every expectation. He snaked his arm around her back and pulled her closer to him, opening his mouth to allow her tongue past his lips. Rick couldn't even think straight anymore. All he could think of was her. He wanted to give her his all, so she never forgot what she truly meant to him. He had waited long enough as it was. He slid his hands down to her hips and pulled her lower half flush against him. Michonne gasped into his mouth and tangled her fingers in his curls.

Rick could not get enough. It felt like there was far too much fabric between them. He pulled away from her lips, grasping the hem of her shirt and looking at her for permission. She nodded fervently, raising her arms as he tugged the shirt over her head and tossed it aside. He trailed kisses along her collarbone, vaguely aware of her fingers fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. A part of him wondered _is this really happening? Am I dreaming?_ Her nibble on his earlobe confirmed that yes, this was real.

The rest of their clothing was torn, ripped, pulled off in a blur of passion. As he laid her down on the bed he gazed deeply into her eyes, once again looking for any hint of hesitation. He found none. She instead took one of his hands and dragged it down to her core, guiding him over the point of no return.

He could not figure out how long they explored each other, giving and taking. He relished in the sound of her calling out his name not to let him know something was wrong, as was previously always the case, but because it was all so right. He revelled in the way she felt against him and around him, softer than he could have ever dreamed. He wanted to learn and love every inch of her he could reach.

When they finally collapsed in a tangled heap of limbs and sweat and bedsheets, he felt sore but satiated. The first light of the day was beginning to creep over the horizon. They looked at each other, panting but beaming. She reached over and moved a stray curl from his forehead and kissed the spot where it previously lay. He pulled her tightly against him.

"What do we tell the others?" he asked her. "About us?"

Michonne looked up at him for a couple of seconds before shrugging. "That we stopped fighting it."

Rick could only smile.

* * *

Pulling up to the gates of Alexandria around midday, Rick took in the fact that no harm had seemed to come to the community. The walls were still up, at any rate. Sasha spotted them before anyone else from her sniper's nest and ran to greet them, shouting impatiently for the others to "get that fucking gate open." She barely waited for Rick to stop the car just within the gates before nearly pulling Michonne out and wrapping her in a tearful embrace.

Word spread quickly that they had returned, and he soon found their Corolla swarmed with people, congratulating and thanking him on finding all of the runners, and welcoming Michonne home with all the love and tears she seemingly never expected. Rick stood nearby, watching her with a smile as she found Carl and Judy within the crowd and wrapped them both in a big hug. She glanced over at him with a huge grin on her face, her cheeks streaked with tears. He grinned back, knowing she could never doubt what she meant to him, their family, or their community ever again.

 **I hope you enjoyed!**


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